Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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