I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
