You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
