I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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