4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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