he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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