I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
