We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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