I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
