the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think pants incapable of making pants work
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
