Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize