i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
