How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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