That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
