I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
