My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
