You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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