Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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