He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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