it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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