Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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