I accidentally had phone sex last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
