I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
