I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
