aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My liver just had a heart attack.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
