I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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