New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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