just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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