you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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