Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize