she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
not ubering you a puppy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
