I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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