and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
