Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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