i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
