I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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