My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
