I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
