lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
