I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
