well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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