I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
