you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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