Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
