I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
