I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize