In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize