i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
zippers are such a cool invention
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
