At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know her cup size but not her name....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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