a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
