I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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