she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
