When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
