If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
