No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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