If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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