So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
