I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My dick has a subreddit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
