i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Alive.
So much puke
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is my life. Enjoy the view
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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