We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
