why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
