You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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