A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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