apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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