You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Four minutes until I can fart!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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