I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
