Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
