no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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