New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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