i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
