we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
