ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
