I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize