It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
