you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize