Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
