We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
