I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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