Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
